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30 Lessons Before 30

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You aren’t a finished product. There is always more room to grow and learn. Don’t stop trying to be better.


The value of goals isn’t necessarily in achieving them but in striving to do so.


The concept of love portrayed in all forms of media and entertainment is utterly ridiculous. We really need better love stories.


If politics make you feel trapped and frustrated and depressed, don’t engage. It doesn’t make you a bad person.


Your identity is defined by your choices, and your choices are defined by your values. As author Mark Manson said, “We are defined by what we choose to find important in our lives.”

You don’t “find who you are”; you decide it¹.


Every single celebrity has had a nose job. Every single one. Except for Rihanna.


There are many different types of freedom in the world; no single lifestyle will afford you all of them at once. You have to pursue a lifestyle in which the pros (freedoms you gain) outweigh the cons (freedoms you lose) for you, and this may change over time.


The older you get the more you realize you don’t know shit. Certainty is a symptom of immaturity. There are no answers and if you think you have them or think they exist, you are definitely not 30 yet 😀


Your daydreams reflect what you really want. If it’s a recurrent daydream, it’s probably not going to go away until you go for it. So go for it.


The goal in everything is almost always “balance“.


In a conflict with friends or partners, usually both parties are right and wrong.


Be unapologetically yourself and the rest will come.


Just unfollow people on Instagram who are fake as hell and make you feel bad. I did this recently and it was awesome.


If you find yourself repeating toxic patterns in relationships, look into Attachment Theory. You’re welcome².


It can’t be love unless and until both parties make themselves completely emotionally vulnerable to one another and are fully themselves with one another. This is part of why unrequited love is not real love.


True romantic love is more a choice and an action than a feeling. Feelings are fickle; infatuation and honeymoon phases fade.


Commitment is scary but that’s because no risk no reward. The very best and most meaningful things in life are not found by going wide but instead going deep. This goes for where you live, your partner, friends, your work, all of it. Meaning and connection happen when you choose one way and reject the alternatives³.


Always bring earplugs. The good kind.


Buying a lot of stuff just to have stuff is stupid. You need A LOT LESS stuff than you think you do. But making investments in yourself is different altogether, and smart.


Jesus Christ, just go to therapy, it doesn’t mean you’re weak.


The ability to think critically about both the world and yourself is one of the most useful skills to have. Never stop asking questions or wondering why.


At the end of the day, you are the only one looking out for you. Resilience is a muscle you can strengthen. No one else can heal you, change you, fix you.

Paradoxically part of resilience means building strong relationships with people you can trust, recognizing when you need help, and seeking social support when you need it.


Lean into your pain and let it transform you.


No one knows wtf they’re doing.


You always see the good ones again.


If you don’t like your life then do something else. There are no rules except the ones we create for ourselves⁴.


Real strength is not hiding your emotions but expressing them. Being vulnerable is the strongest thing you can be. Burying feelings, running from them, pretending they don’t exist — that’s child shit.


There are tons of people out there who will make excellent friends and partners for you. You can let go of the ones who aren’t a good fit and find ones who are. You will be okay. (Haaaaaven’t quite internalized this one yet but I’m working on it.)


The Loneliness Problem is an epidemic amongst adults. It is just a fact that making friends after school ends is harder. You are not alone in your loneliness!


You only get one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted…

¹ Mark Manson writes lots of great stuff about values

² I recommend the book Attached to learn about Attachment Theory

³ “Reject the alternatives” is another Mark Manson-ism.

⁴ Via Tim Ferriss’ The 4-Hour Workweek

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