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Thailand, I have to let you go

Thailand. Thank you.

Thank you for being there as my Neverland, as the light at the end of the tunnel when things felt very dark and heavy. Thank you for reminding me how to enjoy my life, that it’s about the journey and the striving and the growing and not at all about the destination.

You reminded me to smile. To not care as much and let go of my expectations. I didn’t even realize I had forgotten how to have fun until I was with you. It’s through you I’ve found connection with some of the best people I’ve ever known – Thai and farang alike.

Thank you for vibrating on my exact frequency and making me feel at home and at peace.

Woman letting go of lantern at Loi Krathong light festival in Chiang Mai Thailand

I have spent as much time with you as I possibly can without running my bank account dry in visa fees and making even bigger commitments to you that won’t pay off for me in the end. Everyone else can see that it’s time for us to end things, and maybe deep down I know it too. There’s a numbness to this goodbye that I haven’t felt before. I don’t want to experience the full range of devastation because I know it’s just time and I know there will be bright days ahead. There will be other places I fall in love with – there are so, SO many places in the world to see after all – and you will become a memory again.

But I also just can’t believe that when I see your landscape out the ascending airplane window it will be for the last time in this part of my life. If and when we meet again, we will both be older and very different. I know this for certain.

Just know you’ve touched me; you mean the world to me; you’ve taught me so much and have made me who I am. I will carry you with me (and try not to annoy everyone with stories from “this one time when I was living in Thailand…”)

I have to let you go. Thank you. Khap khun mak ka, sawat dee ka.

Other breakups:

Koh Tao, why don’t you love me?

Bangkok, I’m breaking up with you

Athens, you’re breaking my heart


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